May 1, 2015

Facebook Advertising ROI vs. Search & Amazon, 2012 – 2015

Think Facebook advertising is sexy and want to get in on it?

I tracked my purchases for the last three years.  How many of them originated with Facebook?  Zero.

As a marketer and advertiser, I have spent thousands of dollars of my clients’ money on Facebook, Google, Bing, and other channels?

Which one performs the best?  Well, it depends on the channel.  However, in markets that have the highest CPC that are budget constrained, Bing outperforms other channels regularly.

Facebook advertising ROI vs. Google, Bing, Amazon and other markets.

Facebook advertising ROI vs. Google, Bing, Amazon and other markets.

April 11, 2015

Email to a Young Poet

Note: This is a parody of Rainer Maria Rilke’s famous book, “Letters to a Young Poet”. In a nutshell, the book contains the correspondence between Franz Xaver Krappus, a young man riveted by Rilke’s extraordinary poetry, and Rilke (Franz kept sending Rilke his poetry).

In the opening of the book, Krappus (this was his real name, not a name created as commentary on his poetry) writes:

“After our talk, I decided to send Rainer Maria Rilke my poetic attempts and to ask him for his judgement.”

Below is a riff of what I think Rilke would have sent back in a modern email correspondence (Rilke was born in 1875 and died in 1926).

Franz,

I have been receiving your vapid attempts at poetry,
which bastardize the dignity of this sacred art form, degrade women, the elderly, and the obese, and often strike me as low budget beer commercials employing a rhythm scheme devised for toddlers.

Additionally, I have been receiving the forwards of all the juvenile crap you have found on the Web and consider entertaining; please remove me from this list at once.

Franz, writing cannot be taught, as writing is simply a tool used by a deep soul to dig a tunnel from a vast, lonely, and earthy place up to the piercing, diminutive, and sun-lit world. Deep souls, Franz, cannot be taught or bought in a weekend writing seminar.

Having said this, if you are still intent on attending my writing seminar this weekend, I will gladly take your money, as I have few other sources of income and must often sacrifice integrity for practicality.

I can only hope that my direct and repeated bitchslaps to your shallow soul will cause something to be felt in your innermost core, and this, you see, is all I (or anyone else) can do to help you grow as a writer.

For $15/seminar, I believe that after 30-40 sessions, my direct and relentless assaults on your callous and oblivious being will begin to awaken something in you that may, with the promise of a second hand lottery ticket, result in the grand payoff of having a soul worthy of a voice.

Yours for $15/hour,
Rainer Maria Rilke

April 26, 2011

Traveling to Space

Having won the Rhode Island Lottery a few years back (which is when I stopped posting blogs and became a farmer in Colombia), I have decided that Earth is no longer for me. Therefore, I will launch myself into space on a privately owned luxury space craft, where I will orbit until the rest of you burn up or kill each other. I will occasionally come down to get some cheese dip and a few People Magazines and check my mail. Ok, ttyl.

March 28, 2009

Heading to Toronto: Recommendations for Fun?

Tomorrow morning I fly to Toronto for the SMX Analytics convention.

I am open to recommendations for how to have a good time in Toronto, as long as they are not things I can legally do in the US.

January 6, 2009

Bringing Picture of Loved Ones to Work: My Tips

All things come to an end, and for that reason keeping your area at work saturated with photos of your lover is setting yourself up for the inevitable day when you have to take them all down because the relationship is over.

For that reason, I keep pictures of my ex-girlfriends at work. They will forever be x, and if I get back together with them, I can’t leave the pictures up and as far as anyone else is concerned, nothing dramatic has changed in my social life.

For men who have have few or no lovers, I suggest keeping pictures of your right palm. You will definitely never have to take those down.