In about ’96, I wrote a letter to The Onion notifying them of my intent to submit freelance articles. It seemed like such a natural fit. I was bummed when I found out (I think they may have written me back, not sure) that they do not accept submissions:
Why the hell would they have that policy? Think of all the freaks out there who would finally have a place to focus their freak?
Ok, so, pieces I would have written:
I would have given out an annual “Lifetime Underachievement Award”.
Being that I do SEO, I’d have written a futuristic piece:
“People Finally Find Everything; Google Declares Bankruptcy”.