A Friend Swore She Eliminated Coronavirus Using The Widely Discredited Hairdryer Trick. Either She’s Wrong, Or It Works Like This…




I did this because I have a credible friend who insists this method “cured” her infection in about an hour (sigh…I know). I felt that this method had been declared “bad information” without persuasive enough reasoning to be preventitive, and I wanted to detail why it could not work and how you could harm yourself (which I’ve done). However, while doing research I was surprised to find (in my opinion) a plausible mechanism for how and why it could work.

You can read the backstory/context below the summary.

Quick Summary: How it COULD WOrkFor Those Short on Time

  • The mucous membrane’s moisture is needed to capture pathogens/particles, and carry them away (the immune response role of the membrane)
  • Cornonavirus thrives/flourishes in the moist condition of the mucous membrane1,2, and thus will (unless stopped by the immune system) travel down the windpipe to the peripheral branches of the respiratory tree and lung tissue, which is life-threatening. This aggressive behavior is why the virus is more deadly than other viruses.
  • The mucuous membrane, over a period of time, dries out under 40% RH (relative humidity)
  • Conventional wisdom (which is that we need to keep our mucous membranes wet for them to work – confirmed by a 2019 Yale study) therefore should predict that this method would make the infection worse, as the means of capturing and removing pathogens has been crippled
  • IF THIS METHOD HAS EFFICACY, it is probably that by temporarily and quickly using the warm/hot air of a hairdryer, the mucous membrane begins to dry, reducing the infection’s intensity enough such that the immune system can get the upper hand: as the volume of mucous is reduced, the viral load is also reduced. Additionally, it may be more difficult for the virus to travel further and thus expand the infection in dryer conditions.
  • IF THIS METHOD DOES NOT WORK, it could do harm because the mucous membrane plays an important role in the body’s immune response, and heat will dry the cilia, possibly causing permanent damage as well as allowing the infection to continue/accelerate. There are surely other bad outcomes possible.

    Cringe – You Did WHAT?

    On its face, the idea sounded so insane and stupid I cringed at what I was being told: not only did she stick a hair dryer in her open mouth/nasal cavity to treat her Coronavirus symptoms, but the infection was “cured” (a strong word) in about an hour.

    I told her that was ridiculous and she said, “well it happened” and asked for what reason I thought it wouldn’t work.

    She always struck me as smart, level-headed, and honest. I didn’t think she was making up a story, so I explained a few cognitive distortions possibly at play (confirmation bias?), but she would not budge from her claim. I was determined to prove her wrong, and began researching the claim.

    Ideally we’d have data on hair dryer successes and failures, but that’s unlikely to happen. If you have tried the method, please post in the comments.

    Snopes – Fact-Checking Resource

    To see the reasons physicians cited for discounting the method, I turned to fact-checking site Snopes, where the verdict was obvious (“FALSE” in large, green, rubber-stamped letters), but the supporting argument was surprisingly weak.

    The Snopes writer stated:

    “No reputable medical professionals or institutions recommend people breathe hot air to kill the coronavirus”.

    Medical professionals, for the most part, only recommend conventional therapies lest they lose their license and/or cause harm. Even medical marijuana, which has an abundance of affirmative efficacy data, will not get a recommendation from medical professionals in many US states.

    The Snopes writer also offered her own mangled reasoning that made me feel like this review was a very lazy attempt by someone who had never taken a microbiology, cell biology, or genetics 101 class.

    Conventional Wisdom Tells Us Drying the Mucous Membrane Should Make Us MORE Vulnerable to Infection

    It’s no secret that the mucuous membrane needs its moisture in order to capture, filter, and remove pathogens and foreign particles. A 2019 Yale study probed the role of humidity in viral infections and found that the immune system is more vulnerable to the flu virus in low humidity.

    So end of story, she’s wrong, right? Not so fast.

    The hairdryer method still hadn’t been ABSOLUTELY disqualified. The method doesn’t lower humidity for the entire course of the infection, as the Yale study did, but only for a brief period of time, and as a hot, forceful blast. What if this crazy method was working like chemotherapy or radiation in that it was temporarily harming the body to do even greater harm to the pathogen?

    Developing a Hypothesis for Efficacy: What Happens If the Mucous Membrane is Dried?


    low humidity and virus infections, coronavirus does the hairdryer method cure the infection?

    How the Hairdryer Might Work IF It Indeed Does

    There are a few important prerequisite facts:

    1. The mucous membrane uses its moistness to capture and remove particles, allergens, viruses and bacteria
    2. The mucous membrane dries out if we breath in air below 40% RH (relative humidity) over a period of time (Source: Condair Group)
    3. The infection spreads by way of the mucous membrane and is not limited to the lungs, and can travel from the nose to the rectum. (Source: Dr. Amy Compton-Phillips, the chief clinical officer for the Providence Health System)
    4. But with Coronavirus, the virus is so aggressive that the mucous becomes a highway for it – and whereas in some individuals the virus stays in the upper airway, in others it makes it down the windpipe to the peripheral branches of the respiratory tree and lung tissue, which is life-threatening. Thus, the mucous membrane plays a role assisting both host and pathogen. Reducing the volume of mucous could slow down the virus enough that the immune system can catch up before its too late.
    5. Even cheap, small hair dryers are considered ideal tools for reducing relative humidity – in a manual for teaching laboratory demonstrations, University of Rochester’s Electrical Engineering department refers to hair-dryers as “standard equipment for anyone serious”.
    6. Therefore, the hairdryer, by reducing the moisture/amount of virus/paths virus can travel, inflammation is reduced and the battle the immune system must fight becomes incrementally easier. At some point, enough mucous has been dried that the battle becomes winnable for the immune system (a “tipping point” scenario).
    7. Tipping point scenarios are where we expect to see an inverse linear relationship between the strength of the immune system and death rate, which is a well-known characteristic for this pandemic.
    8. Summary

      To recap, typically the mucous membrane is used to capture and remove a virus like this. But with Coronavirus, the virus needs the moist mucous membrane and by drying the membrane, the virus’ virility is lessened, and for some people, this could give the immune system enough advantage to make a life or death difference. If this hypothesis is accurate, I wouldn’t call it a “cure”, as it is one factor of many that determine the course the infection plays out. Furthermore, it should be noted that drying the membrane, like chemotherapy or radiation, is damaging the body in order to fight an enemy, and without clinical trials/studies we wouldn’t have data on side-effects or high risk scenarios.

      Other Considerations

      My friend was never tested for Coronavirus and assumed she had it because of her symptoms and that her boss, who she was in contact with, did test positive and die from Coronavirus. Some states have a very high negative result – Florida, for example, has ~90% negative, whereas California is about 15%. There are other viruses going around.

      How Coronavirus infects the body and lungs

Focusing on Retainers


This is a repost of an email from Matt Brown of Hellobonsai.com. I couldn’t find a blog post of this, so I’m posting it with credit to Matt and a plug for his newsletter.



Top 0.1% focus on long term contracts via retainers

Matt Brown of Hello Bonsai

Gear up, this will be a long one.

Predicting cash flow can be one of the most difficult aspects of being a freelancer. When there are plenty of jobs flowing in, cash flow is easy. But keeping a steady flow of work isn’t always possible.

So what’s another option for consistent, predictable revenue? A retainer.

A retainer basically means that a client pays in advance in exchange for ensuring your services are available to them for an extended amount of time. A client can make recurring monthly payments, or pay a lump sum up front. This can be in exchange for a long-term project or for access to services on a regular basis.

The steady cash flow from a retainer helps make sure you can cover expenses, which don’t change from month to month.

Retainers can help you and your business by:
Providing stability.Inbox
Reducing the pressure to win new projects all the time.
Allowing you to build a relationship with a client.
Giving some consistency to your work, rather than having different clients every month.
But how does a retainer work? Let’s look at 9 key points for making it work for you and your clients.
‍1. Build a business case for a retainer
It’s not always easy to obtain work under a retainer. Freelancers may be hesitant to ask a client about a retainer, or be unable to communicate the value of a retainer to the client.

So your first step is to build your own business case for a retainer by determining what value you can provide to a client. What are the services you can provide to a client on a regular basis that will bring value to them on a regular basis?

Depending on your freelance business, ideas include:
A marketing campaign.
A monitoring service.
Email marketing.
A package of monthly blog posts or other content management.
Building or updating websites.
Clients need to be able to understand – what is a retainer fee? And they must be able to explain such a monthly fee to those who pay the bills. In most cases it’s not a fee “just in case” they need work from you; it’s a fee for a regular flow of work from you.

The incentive to the client could be that your work is somewhat discounted because you’re providing it in quantity. But if you have a great freelance reputation, or your work is in demand, you could take an opposite position, in that committing your time in advance actually commands a premium price above your regular rates. This is a balancing act, as you will have to impress client with your unique abilities or how well you know the client and their needs.
‍2. Get to know the client(s)
You know your own strengths, you have your value proposition figured out and you’re ready with your marketing pitch. Before you approach a client, get to know them and their business. Figure out how you can help advance their business interests with your freelance skills.

For instance, to know how a retainer agreement will work with a specific client, evaluate their current state. Look at whether they post regularly on social media, or send out email newsletters, and be sure you are following and subscribing so you can learn more about them. You will gain a better understanding to enable you to suggest improvements or to take over that aspect of the business.

It’s also good to know if they have full-time employees that look after that sort of work. Could those employees better spend time on other aspects of the business if you took on that work? Understanding the business of potential clients will make it easier for you to sell them on how a retainer agreement works and the benefits of having one with you.
3. Sell the client on a retainer
Once you have your pitch ready and can articulate the value you can bring to a client, it’s time to incorporate the retainer concept into your proposals and pitches.

There are several ways you can pitch to a client how a retainer agreement works:
At the beginning of the relationship, when proposing to do work.
At the close of a project, as part of client off-boarding.
In this way, you’re selling your ability to support the completed project, before you start the work, and at the conclusion of the work.

As part of an initial pitch, you can include the option for a retainer relationship at the successful conclusion of the project. When the work is complete, you will understand the client and their needs. You can support the work you just implemented, you can provide some value-add to the project, or you can tweak anything that needs to be adjusted.

The end of a project is an ideal time to transition to a retainer, as the client will also know you and the value you can bring to their business.

If you’re approaching a new client and the work doesn’t involve a project or other finite amount of work to start the relationship, you may want to give the client a taste of what you can offer. A free trial of your services can give clients a sense of what you can do for them. Just be sure you don’t dedicate too much time for free – there’s a balance between enticing a client and working for nothing.
4. Structure the agreement
So what is a retainer agreement? There are different ways to structure an agreement, from a time management perspective. It’s up to you to consider the different ways you want to work with a client, before proposing a retainer relationship.

For instance, you can agree to provide an allotted amount of work each month, such as 10 blog posts per month. This way, you are billing for value and actual work completed, not time.

You can also agree to provide a certain amount of hours of work each month. In this format, it would be important to determine what happens if all the time allotted isn’t used – does the client “lose it,” or does it roll over into the next month.

And, as Entrepreneur.com points out, “Since your client will have prepaid you for your time up to a certain amount, you need to make provision in your retainer agreement for periods when your client uses more than the time you’ve sold them in advance. Then you want to negotiate to bill them for the extra time you’ve spent rather than carrying it over to another period.”

You can also build retainer proposals with different tiers. In this scenario, you offer different levels of work with differing amounts of pay. You could have Tier 1, 2 and 3 options, which gives the client a choice rather than a “yes or no” to only one option.

To summarize what is a retainer agreement, it can be structured in several different ways:
Client pays a set amount each month to access a certain amount of time. Be sure to spell our what happens if the time is not used – is it “lost,” or does it carry over into the next month.
Client pays a set amount each month for a specific set of deliverables. The agreement spells out the additional costs if more work is required, or if an emergency arises that needs to be handled over and above the deliverables.
Client pays simply to have access to the freelancer. This is probably the least common contract for freelancers, but more common for prestigious agencies or law firms. It could be possible if you are a sought-after freelancer.
What is a retainer agreement that works for you depends on several factors:
Your business.
Your expertise.
Your services.
The client’s business.
The client’s needs.
The relationship between you and the client.
5. Establish a contract
The actual contract is the nitty gritty that defines: how does a retainer work. It’s important to work with the client to determine what you’ll deliver every month. Be sure to clearly define that work and prevent scope creep. Being vague will not help you or the client. If you need help, Bonsai has resources for all your freelance contracts needs.

It’s also key to determine and discuss what happens if extra work is needed. If the client requires work that isn’t within the scope of the retainer, there should be a process in place so the client knows what to expect. That could be replacing other work or including an additional fee for the extra work.

And even if you aren’t charging per hour, you should be recording your time to determine the profitability of the retainer agreement. There are always ways to improve your efficiency and profitability, either with another client or when your retainer agreement is re-negotiated. Bonsai has resources to help with freelance time tracking.

As well, if you’re considering retainer relationships with more than one client, it’s important to be up front with those clients, and ensure you aren’t entering a conflict of interest situation. Working for two clients in the same industry could cause issues. In fact, often companies that hire a consultant on a retainer basis have a clause in their contract that prohibits them from working for the competition.

It’s also good practice to define deadlines for your work. Things to consider include:
If you’re doing regular work, what are the timelines for it?
Will you deliver on a weekly basis? Or by the end of the month? Or will you work on call?
Often clients who are paying a retainer for services expect that work be done on short notice. Or, depending on your business, the client may have a need to access you in a crisis or emergency situation, such as a website going down. What will happen if you’re busy with another client, or away from work? A contingency plan should be built into the contract.

It’s important to clearly define deadlines to ensure the client stays happy, and that you can meet expectations. You also have to consider your other clients and prospective clients when you establish deadlines on a retainer. A retainer agreement needs to work for you, your client, and any other or potential new clients you have.
6. Ensure you get paid
As part of the structure of the retainer agreement, how and what you get paid is an important component – especially for you! That regular cash flow we mentioned as a benefit to a retainer? It’s good to make sure it’s flowing to your business!

What is a retainer fee and how it works can help determine the payment plan. There are several ways to structure the fees you charge to have you on retainer for services:

A lump fee up front, perhaps for a full year of work.

A single, monthly payment.

A fee plus clearly defined additional fees for additional work.

A fee for simply being available, plus additional fees for completing emerging work.

A fee adjusted monthly according to how much work has been delivered.

Once again, depending on the nature of your business, your client’s business, and your relationship, the retainer fee, how the retainer fee works and the payment structure will vary. Bonsai has some great tips on invoicing clients.

How and when you get paid can vary too, depending on your needs and your client’s preferences. Perhaps you prefer the payment up-front for an entire fiscal year. Or perhaps you prefer regular, monthly payments.

Tip: Bonsai can help you set up recurring auto-payments for your retainer agreements.

It’s also extremely important for your business that you get paid on time. Some ways to ensure that happens include:
Bill up front.
Make it easy for clients to pay you.
Invoice promptly (Bonsai can help you get your freelance invoices paid faster.)
Don’t do work until you’re paid.
Get it in writing.
7. Budget your time
You’ve got a relationship with a client, you’ve got a contract in place for a retainer, and you’ve been paid.


Budget your time.

Manage your workload.

It’s crucial that your time is budgeted appropriately to ensure you’re able to manage the regular work from your retained client, as well as any emergencies, if that’s built into the contract. That work needs to be handled along with work that flows in from new projects, new clients, or new proposals to ensure you have additional jobs.

Unless the retainer agreement can support your business, it’s important to make sure you don’t forget other clients. You need to structure your time to ensure you can continue to bid on other work, while still meeting the expectations of the client or clients on retainer.
‍8. Report on benefits
A regular report to your client will go a long way to proving the benefits they are gaining from the retainer relationship they have with you. A monthly report for your client can showcase exactly what you did and the benefits of the work, which provides proof of why they’re paying you.

Here’s the deal: Customers always want to know what they’re getting for their money. If you’re working on a project for a client, regular progress reports are part of the project. A retainer relationship shouldn’t be any different: show the clients the value they’re getting for their money.

Again, depending on your freelance business and what work you are providing for the client, reports could include:

Social media engagement.

Number of website followers.

Sales growth.

Number of blog post readers.

…you get the idea.

If you’re able to benchmark your work and compare growth every month, even better. If you’ve established goals as part of the contract, progress to goals is important to describe. The reports should always show the client why they are continuing to pay you. Sign up for a free Bonsai trial to get resources on reporting.
9. Review and adjust
As with any kind of contract, agreement or project, it’s important to track the work, review the arrangement, and adjust as necessary.

Part of that process means tracking the work you’re actually doing, the time it takes you, and comparing that to the value of the contract. Is the work profitable? Is the retainer work taking away from other clients, or from finding new work?

It’s also valuable to have a discussion with your client on a regular basis, such as every six months or on an annual basis:
Are they finding value in the contract?
What’s missing for them?
What’s working?
Are they willing to provide a testimonial that you can use with other clients?
It should also be made clear to clients that the communication lines are always open. If there’s an issue, you want to hear about it immediately. You don’t want to wait for an annual review discussion to find out the client is dissatisfied and won’t be renewing the contract. That’s a worst-case scenario for you and your business.

You may even want to consider regular reviews as part of the contract. That can be a brief monthly chat, followed by a semi-annual or annual review of the full contract. Bonus: don’t forget to bring new ideas

Now that you’ve navigated what is a retainer agreement and been successful at securing such an arrangement, it’s important not to be complacent. One of the downfalls of a retainer agreement is sticking to the agreement, and not bringing new ideas to the client. By sticking to an agreed-upon list of work, you can actually do damage to your relationship by avoiding the creativity of new work.

As discussed in Forbes.com, a scope of work is created at the onset of a retainer agreement:
“This list of to-dos is created at a single point in time…so on the one hand, there is pressure to stick to the ‘Scope Of Work’ because no one wants to undo the agreement. On the other hand, there is pressure from the marketplace for ‘new thinking’ that may or may not include the items on the list.”

One solution to this is to include “or equivalent” in the retainer agreement. While different work will need to be discussed with the client, the “or equivalent” clause will allow you to bring forth creative ideas without being perceived as selling additional work. Since business is fluid, a retainer agreement needs some fluidity as well.

During your regular reviews with your client, be sure to suggest any new and creative initiatives that you can accomplish to add benefit to the agreement, perhaps as a replacement for work that has diminished in value since the inception of the agreement.

If you’re able to secure one or more retainers for your business, you will have some breathing room in ensuring expenses are covered, some of your work is guaranteed, and the potential for additional work is there.

The ability to work under a retainer relationship will build lasting business collaborations and help your freelance business profit and grow.

Did you know that you can create your retainer contract (step 5), set up automatic payment reminders (step 6) & manage your time (step 7) – all inside Bonsai? Well, I mean – the ‘real’ Bonsai. The best bits of Bonsai are hidden behind a 14 day free trial… but you need to add your credit card. It’s to differentiate the top 0.1% freelancers from the rest. Give it a try today.

See you in the next lesson.


Neosporosis: The Closest Thing to a Cure Your Vet Doesn’t Know About


My beautiful Shepherd/Husky mix was diagnosed with Neosporosis, a Protozoan infection that causes a dog to slowly lose power and control over their hind legs, and eventually their front legs and from there it is a very sad slow death.  The experience is obviously difficult for the dog, but it’s also very painful for the owner.

I have a solid background in molecular biology, and currently I develop and market immunotherapies for the veterinary market (see our cancer treatment we are just bringing to the vet market now).  So when several vets told me that there are no effective treatments for dogs in the late stages of infection (showing signs of neurological degeneration), I took it as a challenge to either develop a treatment or to find one.

Let’s jump to my findings: I found an academic review of all the drugs in the experimental pipeline (difficult to read, but invaluable). Of all the drugs discussed, three caught my attention:

  1. Guanabenz
  2. Miltefosine
  3. “Compound 32”

It’s About Brain Cysts

The reason why prognosis is grim with conventional meds is because Neospora eventually forms cysts in the infected host.  Once cysts are formed, neither the immune system nor conventional drugs have efficacy.  That’s why there are cases where a dog gets diagnosed soon after being infected, gets antibiotics, and is cured.  This is rare, but it goes to show how important it is to diagnose and treat the infection before it gets to the cyst state.

The three drugs above all cross the blood brain barrier and reduced the number of brain cysts.  Of the three drugs, only Guanabenz and Miltefosine are FDA approved and available.

I went to my primary vet a few days ago and begged for a prescription for either Guanabenz or Miltefosine.  My vet didn’t want to risk his license prescribing drugs not FDA approved for Neosporosis, which I can understand.  Even if he had given me a prescription, it turns out the cost for these medications in the US is obscene: one month of Miltefosine would be $32,000.  Guanabenz is about the same.

I leveraged overseas contacts in biotech, and was able to find Miltefosine (my first choice) for an affordable price.  I should receive the medication in about ten days, and I’ll update this blog with results after we’ve started treatment.  I am very anxious and eager to receive it, as Oscar cannot walk and everyday I worry about what function or comfort he will lose next.  I love this dog so much and it’s just tearing me apart watching this infection progress.

If you have a dog with Neosporosis, and you have questions or comments, feel free to use the form below.  If I can help a dog in need, I will!

There is a great support group on Facebook for owners of dogs with Neosporosis.

WIDESPREAD DEFECTS, AVOID IPV 5 Vaporizer by Pioneer4you

Reviews, vaping

This is a review of the IPV 5 vaporizer mod by Pioneer4you (Chinese company). This would be a great product if it weren’t for a known defect that the company is basically ignoring unless (from what I have heard) you keep pushing them, at which point you’ll just get a replacement which is going to have the same problem.  This defect affects the series, not just one model, according to the forums you can check by searching Google with queries like this one. Avoid all IPV series by Pioneer


I’m not going into details about the malfunction, as you can find the real vape nerds discussing this in many forums, but basically a “CHECK BATTERY” message will come on and the device will not hit.  This will happen when batteries are charged.  You can even have the device plugged into an outlet and it happens.


WHY? IPV 5 is Complicated, Must STUDY Owner Manual

Dispute Purchase with Credit Card Company if Possible, Don’t Give eBay, Paypal Total Control


It took me two weeks to be able to fire the device up because of the huge learning curve to operate the menu.  This is another problem with this device…it is NOT SIMPLE.  You MUST not just read, but actually STUDY the owners manual to use it.  By the time I was using it, the 30 days for return policy was expiring.  I got the CHECK BATTERY message on day two … after that it was ever few hours.  I have sets of charged batteries that are good.  Too many people have this problem for it to be your fault.  Anyway, so this POWERPUH




and don’t buy from eBay seller POWERPUH, he ignores return requests:


The Bogmen Release New Single


The Bogmen Come Back Swinging

One of the best bands to ever come out of New York City, The Bogmen are back with another great song.

When The Circus Comes to Town

When the Circus Comes to Down (wav, 53 megs)

Other Music to Check Out

Chris O’Connor

I was the “anti-producer” on this album – I did nothing other than make sure the recording was as bare bones as possible. Great lyrics, fantastic vocalist.

  • You Are Here

    My Music

    Here are three songs I wrote and sing (scroll down the page for lyrics):

    Erogenous Jones, Music by Craig Hordlow

    1. Tube Sock Toes (wav)
    2. Big Time (wav)
    3. The Al Franken Song (wav)

    Tube Sock Toes

    Verse 1
    She wiggles her toes when she cums,
    She wiggles her toes, her tube-sock toes.
    And she screams my name through the walls,
    She screams my name, screams through the walls.
    And she freaks me out when she cums,
    She freaks me out, and that’s what this song is about.

    Well I’m singing these songs so I can say anything I fucking want to.
    I’ve got the first word, and the last one too,
    it’s about you, and there’s nothing you can do.
    Better be careful of the things that you do,
    You piss us off, we’ll be singing about you.

    Verse 2
    She likes her nipples squeezed, her nipples squeezed,
    Squeezed when she cums.
    And all the neighbors know my name, they know my name
    Because it’s screamed through the walls.
    And if she hears me sing this song, she’ll rip off my head
    And shit down my neck.

    Well I’m singing these songs so I can say anything I fucking want to.
    I’ve got the first word, and the last one too,
    it’s about you, and there’s nothing you can do.
    Better be careful of the things that you do,
    You piss us off, we’ll be singing about you.

    I like singing these songs, of people who’ve done me wrong.
    Another “somebody’s done somebody wrong song”,
    Somebody’s done somebody wrong

    Verse 3
    She gyrates her hips when she cums, she gyrates her hips
    So the G-Spot gets hit.
    I grab her neck when she cums, asphyxiation gives her elation
    And she breaks the damn when she cums, then she sits on my head
    And tells me to say, “Ah”

    Well I’m singing these songs so I can say anything I fucking want to.
    I’ve got the first word, and the last one too,
    it’s about you, and there’s nothing you can do.
    Better be careful of the things that you do,
    You piss us off, we’ll be singing about you.

    Chorus Out
    Somebody’s done somebody wrong song
    A somebody’s done somebody wrong
    Somebody’s done somebody wrong song
    A somebody’s done somebody wrong

    Big Time

    Big Time

    Verse 1
    Hookers and cocaine,
    Hookers and cocaine,
    Hookers and cocaine,
    Hookers and cocaine,

    When we make it big time,
    Have a good time, have a really good time,
    Have a good time, have a really good time.

    Verse 2
    We’ll find the drug Huey Lewis was looking for,
    We’ll find the drug Huey Lewis was…

    When we make it big time,
    Have a good time, have a really good time,
    Have a good time, have a really good time.

    Do you think you want to marry me?
    Despite my chronic infidelity.
    Do you think you want to be my wife?
    As I explode into my big time life.

    Bridge 2
    Life, Life, Life

    When we make it big time,
    Have a good time, have a really good time,
    Have a good time, have a really good time.

    Verse 3
    If the party never ends, you’re never hung over.
    Party never ends, you’re never hung.

    When we make it big time,
    Have a good time, have a really good time,
    Have a good time, have a really good time.

    The Al Franken Song

    Verse 1
    Now Al Franken is standing next to you at the urinal, what will you do?
    You’d like to meet him because he’s such a like mind,
    But this is such a strange situation.

    You’ve got two minutes, to talk to this guy, Well
    Cause in two minutes Al Franken zips up his fly.

    The perfect thing to say, never comes till later
    Then when it’s said, it’s only in your daydreams.

    Verse 2
    All your life there have been so very few
    Who think and create in that strange way you do.
    Now Al Franken might think the same of you,
    But at the urinal bonding is tough to do.

    You’ve got two minutes, to talk to this guy, Well
    Cause in two minutes Al Franken zips up his fly.

    The perfect thing to say, never comes till later
    Then when it’s said, it’s only in your daydreams.

    Verse 3
    Now Al Franken is standing next to you at the urinal, what will you do?
    You’d like to meet him because he’s such a like mind,
    But this is such a strange situation.

    You’ve got two minutes, to talk to this guy, Well
    Cause in two minutes Al Franken zips up his fly.

    The perfect thing to say, never comes till later
    Then when it’s said, it’s only in your daydreams.

  • Facebook Advertising ROI vs. Search & Amazon, 2012 – 2015

    Bing, Facebook, Google, Marketing, ROI

    Think Facebook advertising is sexy and want to get in on it?

    I tracked my purchases for the last three years.  How many of them originated with Facebook?  Zero.

    As a marketer and advertiser, I have spent thousands of dollars of my clients’ money on Facebook, Google, Bing, and other channels?

    Which one performs the best?  Well, it depends on the channel.  However, in markets that have the highest CPC that are budget constrained, Bing outperforms other channels regularly.

    Facebook advertising ROI vs. Google, Bing, Amazon and other markets.

    Facebook advertising ROI vs. Google, Bing, Amazon and other markets.

    Email to a Young Poet


    Note: This is a parody of Rainer Maria Rilke’s famous book, “Letters to a Young Poet”. In a nutshell, the book contains the correspondence between Franz Xaver Krappus, a young man riveted by Rilke’s extraordinary poetry, and Rilke (Franz kept sending Rilke his poetry).

    In the opening of the book, Krappus (this was his real name, not a name created as commentary on his poetry) writes:

    “After our talk, I decided to send Rainer Maria Rilke my poetic attempts and to ask him for his judgement.”

    Below is a riff of what I think Rilke would have sent back in a modern email correspondence (Rilke was born in 1875 and died in 1926).


    I have been receiving your vapid attempts at poetry,
    which bastardize the dignity of this sacred art form, degrade women, the elderly, and the obese, and often strike me as low budget beer commercials employing a rhythm scheme devised for toddlers.

    Additionally, I have been receiving the forwards of all the juvenile crap you have found on the Web and consider entertaining; please remove me from this list at once.

    Franz, writing cannot be taught, as writing is simply a tool used by a deep soul to dig a tunnel from a vast, lonely, and earthy place up to the piercing, diminutive, and sun-lit world. Deep souls, Franz, cannot be taught or bought in a weekend writing seminar.

    Having said this, if you are still intent on attending my writing seminar this weekend, I will gladly take your money, as I have few other sources of income and must often sacrifice integrity for practicality.

    I can only hope that my direct and repeated bitchslaps to your shallow soul will cause something to be felt in your innermost core, and this, you see, is all I (or anyone else) can do to help you grow as a writer.

    For $15/seminar, I believe that after 30-40 sessions, my direct and relentless assaults on your callous and oblivious being will begin to awaken something in you that may, with the promise of a second hand lottery ticket, result in the grand payoff of having a soul worthy of a voice.

    Yours for $15/hour,
    Rainer Maria Rilke

    Bringing Picture of Loved Ones to Work: My Tips


    All things come to an end, and for that reason keeping your area at work saturated with photos of your lover is setting yourself up for the inevitable day when you have to take them all down because the relationship is over.

    For that reason, I keep pictures of my ex-girlfriends at work. They will forever be x, and if I get back together with them, I can’t leave the pictures up and as far as anyone else is concerned, nothing dramatic has changed in my social life.

    For men who have have few or no lovers, I suggest keeping pictures of your right palm. You will definitely never have to take those down.