May 22, 2015

Imagine: Andy Warhol & Hoarder & Artist

Imagine if Andy Warhol was a Hoarder

Andy Warhol: If Artist & Hoarder

Andy Warhol: If Artist & Hoarder

If Andy Warhol were alive today to watch all the hoarding shows, he’d certainly run with that soup can / Americana theme and extrapolate it to hoarders. How American our clutter and obesity are.

Are there any thin hoarders?

May 3, 2015

The Bogmen Release New Single

The Bogmen Come Back Swinging

One of the best bands to ever come out of New York City, The Bogmen are back with another great song.

When The Circus Comes to Town

When the Circus Comes to Down (wav, 53 megs)


Other Music to Check Out

Chris O’Connor

I was the “anti-producer” on this album – I did nothing other than make sure the recording was as bare bones as possible. Great lyrics, fantastic vocalist.

  • You Are Here

    My Music

    Here are three songs I wrote and sing (scroll down the page for lyrics):

    Erogenous Jones, Music by Craig Hordlow

    1. Tube Sock Toes (wav)
    2. Big Time (wav)
    3. The Al Franken Song (wav)

    Tube Sock Toes

    Verse 1
    She wiggles her toes when she cums,
    She wiggles her toes, her tube-sock toes.
    And she screams my name through the walls,
    She screams my name, screams through the walls.
    And she freaks me out when she cums,
    She freaks me out, and that’s what this song is about.

    Chorus
    Well I’m singing these songs so I can say anything I fucking want to.
    I’ve got the first word, and the last one too,
    it’s about you, and there’s nothing you can do.
    Better be careful of the things that you do,
    You piss us off, we’ll be singing about you.

    Verse 2
    She likes her nipples squeezed, her nipples squeezed,
    Squeezed when she cums.
    And all the neighbors know my name, they know my name
    Because it’s screamed through the walls.
    And if she hears me sing this song, she’ll rip off my head
    And shit down my neck.

    Chorus
    Well I’m singing these songs so I can say anything I fucking want to.
    I’ve got the first word, and the last one too,
    it’s about you, and there’s nothing you can do.
    Better be careful of the things that you do,
    You piss us off, we’ll be singing about you.

    Bridge:
    I like singing these songs, of people who’ve done me wrong.
    Another “somebody’s done somebody wrong song”,
    Somebody’s done somebody wrong

    Verse 3
    She gyrates her hips when she cums, she gyrates her hips
    So the G-Spot gets hit.
    I grab her neck when she cums, asphyxiation gives her elation
    And she breaks the damn when she cums, then she sits on my head
    And tells me to say, “Ah”

    Chorus
    Well I’m singing these songs so I can say anything I fucking want to.
    I’ve got the first word, and the last one too,
    it’s about you, and there’s nothing you can do.
    Better be careful of the things that you do,
    You piss us off, we’ll be singing about you.

    Chorus Out
    Somebody’s done somebody wrong song
    A somebody’s done somebody wrong
    Somebody’s done somebody wrong song
    A somebody’s done somebody wrong

    Big Time

    Big Time

    Verse 1
    Hookers and cocaine,
    Hookers and cocaine,
    Hookers and cocaine,
    Hookers and cocaine,

    Chorus
    When we make it big time,
    Have a good time, have a really good time,
    Have a good time, have a really good time.

    Verse 2
    We’ll find the drug Huey Lewis was looking for,
    We’ll find the drug Huey Lewis was…

    Chorus
    When we make it big time,
    Have a good time, have a really good time,
    Have a good time, have a really good time.

    Bridge
    Do you think you want to marry me?
    Despite my chronic infidelity.
    Do you think you want to be my wife?
    As I explode into my big time life.

    Bridge 2
    Life, Life, Life

    Chorus
    When we make it big time,
    Have a good time, have a really good time,
    Have a good time, have a really good time.

    Verse 3
    If the party never ends, you’re never hung over.
    Party never ends, you’re never hung.

    Chorus
    When we make it big time,
    Have a good time, have a really good time,
    Have a good time, have a really good time.

    The Al Franken Song

    Verse 1
    Now Al Franken is standing next to you at the urinal, what will you do?
    You’d like to meet him because he’s such a like mind,
    But this is such a strange situation.

    Bridge
    You’ve got two minutes, to talk to this guy, Well
    Cause in two minutes Al Franken zips up his fly.

    Chorus
    The perfect thing to say, never comes till later
    Then when it’s said, it’s only in your daydreams.

    Verse 2
    All your life there have been so very few
    Who think and create in that strange way you do.
    Now Al Franken might think the same of you,
    But at the urinal bonding is tough to do.

    Bridge
    You’ve got two minutes, to talk to this guy, Well
    Cause in two minutes Al Franken zips up his fly.

    Chorus
    The perfect thing to say, never comes till later
    Then when it’s said, it’s only in your daydreams.

    Verse 3
    Now Al Franken is standing next to you at the urinal, what will you do?
    You’d like to meet him because he’s such a like mind,
    But this is such a strange situation.

    Bridge
    You’ve got two minutes, to talk to this guy, Well
    Cause in two minutes Al Franken zips up his fly.

    Chorus
    The perfect thing to say, never comes till later
    Then when it’s said, it’s only in your daydreams.

  • May 1, 2015

    Facebook Advertising ROI vs. Search & Amazon, 2012 – 2015

    Think Facebook advertising is sexy and want to get in on it?

    I tracked my purchases for the last three years.  How many of them originated with Facebook?  Zero.

    As a marketer and advertiser, I have spent thousands of dollars of my clients’ money on Facebook, Google, Bing, and other channels?

    Which one performs the best?  Well, it depends on the channel.  However, in markets that have the highest CPC that are budget constrained, Bing outperforms other channels regularly.

    Facebook advertising ROI vs. Google, Bing, Amazon and other markets.

    Facebook advertising ROI vs. Google, Bing, Amazon and other markets.

    April 11, 2015

    Email to a Young Poet

    Note: This is a parody of Rainer Maria Rilke’s famous book, “Letters to a Young Poet”. In a nutshell, the book contains the correspondence between Franz Xaver Krappus, a young man riveted by Rilke’s extraordinary poetry, and Rilke (Franz kept sending Rilke his poetry).

    In the opening of the book, Krappus (this was his real name, not a name created as commentary on his poetry) writes:

    “After our talk, I decided to send Rainer Maria Rilke my poetic attempts and to ask him for his judgement.”

    Below is a riff of what I think Rilke would have sent back in a modern email correspondence (Rilke was born in 1875 and died in 1926).

    Franz,

    I have been receiving your vapid attempts at poetry,
    which bastardize the dignity of this sacred art form, degrade women, the elderly, and the obese, and often strike me as low budget beer commercials employing a rhythm scheme devised for toddlers.

    Additionally, I have been receiving the forwards of all the juvenile crap you have found on the Web and consider entertaining; please remove me from this list at once.

    Franz, writing cannot be taught, as writing is simply a tool used by a deep soul to dig a tunnel from a vast, lonely, and earthy place up to the piercing, diminutive, and sun-lit world. Deep souls, Franz, cannot be taught or bought in a weekend writing seminar.

    Having said this, if you are still intent on attending my writing seminar this weekend, I will gladly take your money, as I have few other sources of income and must often sacrifice integrity for practicality.

    I can only hope that my direct and repeated bitchslaps to your shallow soul will cause something to be felt in your innermost core, and this, you see, is all I (or anyone else) can do to help you grow as a writer.

    For $15/seminar, I believe that after 30-40 sessions, my direct and relentless assaults on your callous and oblivious being will begin to awaken something in you that may, with the promise of a second hand lottery ticket, result in the grand payoff of having a soul worthy of a voice.

    Yours for $15/hour,
    Rainer Maria Rilke

    April 26, 2011

    Traveling to Space

    Having won the Rhode Island Lottery a few years back (which is when I stopped posting blogs and became a farmer in Colombia), I have decided that Earth is no longer for me. Therefore, I will launch myself into space on a privately owned luxury space craft, where I will orbit until the rest of you burn up or kill each other. I will occasionally come down to get some cheese dip and a few People Magazines and check my mail. Ok, ttyl.

    Follow

    Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

    Join 428 other followers